Anthony "Tony" Magestro--or known on the field of battle as Metzge--is an avid writer, gamer, and entrepreneur. When he's not writing, gaming, or entrepreneuring, he enjoys cooking, trippy movies, and trying to be awesome to varying degrees of success. Feel free to check out his LinkedIn page, especially if you need freelance help with content writing or digital marketing. Or just like to network, that's fine too.
Given my love for perusing games for notable quotes and witty quips, it was only a matter of time before I got around to The Witcher 3. While I scoured the Internet for some of the more popular ones, I was surprised by how many of them focused on the game’s humor rather than some of the deeper, philosophical themes the dialogue and in-game books present. I’m not saying I’m adverse to fun and humor–and Geralt is pretty quick on the trigger with some of his remarks, making it pretty difficult to not quote.
But for a game whose setting is rather *cough* honest about the reality of medieval war (with sorcery and monsters mixed in, to boot), you’d think there’d be some popular quotes from the game’s darker, serious side. And while we don’t like to necessarily delve into the current global political climate, there’s something that can be learned about a game rife with refugees, war and bloodshed, disease, and religious zealotry.
Indeed, even though they might not be apparent on the surface, there are often valuable lessons that are taught through dialogue and storytelling in video games. With that in mind, this list contains a nice mix of light-hearted sarcastic one-liners from everyone’s favorite witcher as well as some words of wisdom to ponder, reflect upon, and perhaps add to your own philosophy.
Or not. I’m not your mom.
***CAUTION: MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS***
10. “And should we thus submit our life to religion, or should we interpret religion so that it serves our lives instead? There are so many schools as there are philosophers, as many stories as there are human beings… I, for my part, can swear with all certainty that there is no way to reconcile everyone at once, and what pleases one will provoke whingeing and sulking in another, and will undoubtedly cause a third to reach for his knife… What then are we to do? How should we live? Why, as we like, as our soul urges, disregarding all the braying of philosophers and ethicists, those contained in this tome included–disregard them as we would fairy tales or old wives’ legends.” – Religion and Life (excerpt from an in-game book)
9. [Upon discovering a vampire sleeping in a sarcophagus]
Professor: “Bloede glewynn!” [Bloody hell! (?)]
Geralt: “Vampire. Probably regenerates here.”
Vampire: “Just five more minutes… Is it 1358 yet?”
Vampire: “Then fuck off.”
8. “Well, there’s a war, so there’s orphans. Didn’t [you] know that?” – random orphan Geralt encounters
7. Geralt: “[Wild] dogs more dangerous than wolves? Don’t think so.”
Mislav: “It’s truth. Know why?”
Geralt: “No, but I guess you’re about to tell me.”
Mislav: “Wolves hunt to fill their bellies. Wild dogs kill for sport.”
Geralt: “Just like humans.”
Mislav: “Aye, they’ve learned much from us. Why not cruelty, too?”
6. (This one needed to be witnessed for full effect)
Nilfgaardian Butler: “How might I serve the gentleman?”
Geralt: “By returning my things.”
[Geralt sniffs his belongings]
Butler: “Citrus and cloves. The fragrance will keep the gentleman’s robes fresh somewhat longer.”
Geralt: “Mhh. Thanks bunches.”
5. Vesemir [about Yennefer]: “She teleports in, not even a ‘nice to see you.’ Jumps right into, ‘We’ve a curse to lift. There’s this to do, and that – so Eskel and Lambert, get going.’ Then she went to the guest room, to rearrange things… threw the bed off the balcony.”
Geralt: “Shame, that was a good bed.”
Vesemir: “Said the same myself. Solid oak frame, down mattress. Triss always said she…” [looks at Geralt; awkward pause] “Aaah, now I see. ”
Geralt: “It’s either that, or Yen really hates oak furniture.”
4. “Finish all your business before you die. Bid loved ones farewell. Write your will. Apologize to those you’ve wronged. Otherwise, you’ll never truly leave this world.” – Paule Vikar (bestiary entry on wraiths)
3. “Know when a legend becomes a prophecy? When it gains believers.” – Corinne
2. Mislav: “They drove me from the village.”
Geralt: “What did you do?”
Mislav: “Nothin’. I’m a freak…”
Geralt: “I’m a freak too.”
Mislav: “Aye, but of another kind.”
Geralt: “If it’s lycanthropy, I can help.”
Mislav: “What? […] The lord’s son, Florian, and I… We loved each other.”
1. Graden: “I thought your mutations cleansed you of your humanity, stripped you of your emotions.”
Geralt: “You don’t need mutations to strip men of their humanity. I’ve seen plenty of examples.”
What are some of your favorite quotes?