Reviews in Haiku – May 2016

Reviews in Haiku – May 2016

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Just in case you were wondering, my stance on video game reviews hasn’t changed after my rant last month. Try as I might, I still can’t summon the strength to slog through something that’s only going to become outdated the moment I press “Publish.” That being said, I still understand the value of reacting to video games and discussing whether or not they’re worth buying in their current state. But given that the traditional method of writing reviews was giving me a headache, the answer dawned on me one evening whilst playing Total War: Shogun 2: write reviews in haiku!

Granted, seventeen syllables hardly make for an entire post, so instead I decided to publish the reviews directly to Steam (which you can check out by clicking the game titles below) with small explanations if I felt the need. While I wrote these haiku in part tongue-in-cheek, I also wanted to check out and participate the update to Steam’s review system that partitions overall reviews from more recent ones in an attempt to track reactions to a game’s most recent version. So far, it at least provides a solution to the post-release update problem, but there are still a few problems left to iron out.

In the meantime, sit back, hang up some wind chimes, and grab a cup of tea as you’re about to enjoy (or be repulsed by) some cultured “reviews.”

Crusader Kings II

So much potential;
My kingdom will never fall;
Oh wait… gavelkind.

Empire: Total War

Ahh, Enlightenment;
Empires, colonies, trade;
But no bug testing.

HITMAN

A new Hitman game;
How I want to like you so;
But you’re unfinished.

Stellaris

Captain’s Log: … Contact;
Hope they’re … friendly, but … in case
Set phasers … to … fun!

Sunless Sea

Waves upon the bow;
False stars fall from the ceiling;
The Zee claims all things.

The Westport Independent

The press is power;
Yet all your time is just spent;
On shuffling words.

Total War: Shogun 2

Our clan will rise up;
Will unify the island;
Damn, foiled again.

Total War: WARHAMMER

“For the Emperor;”
Much like the Reikland’s soldiers
CA found its pace.

[I know this is sort of a new concept but let me know what you think in the comments below. Well… less about the quality of haiku I can write (practice makes perfect, after all), but more on what you think makes a good game review, given how difficult it is to write accurate ones with issues like broken releases or keeping relevant after waves of post-release patches. We’re interested in learning about what makes a game review nowadays truly valuable and finding a format that’s useful both for professionals and consumers alike.]

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Anthony Magestro

Anthony "Tony" Magestro--or known on the field of battle as Metzge--is an avid writer, gamer, and entrepreneur. When he's not writing, gaming, or entrepreneuring, he enjoys cooking, trippy movies, and trying to be awesome to varying degrees of success. Feel free to check out his LinkedIn page, especially if you need freelance help with content writing or digital marketing. Or just like to network, that's fine too.